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Jeremy Clarkson's Best of 'British'
Fresh from his success in insulting every other nation on Earth, the equal opportunities loudmouth comes to rest in the little island that many Times readers call home and reflects upon the current state of the great British marques
For Jeremy's latest acerbic insights on the world of motoring click here
10: Bentley Arnage (Made in Crewe by a subsidiary of Volkswagen)
"The best thing about this car — the one thing that oozes from every weld and every handmade stitch and overwhelms all the faults — is the unparalleled sense of occasion it affords. When you climb aboard it’s a bit like climbing into your dinner jacket. It’s uncomfortable and stupid, but there’s a sense that you’re about to do something very special." Read Clarkson's full review
9: Land Rover Discovery (Made in Solihull by a subsidiary of Ford)
"It would be easy to sign off by saying the Disco is better than one of the best cars in the world. But I'm afraid we’re far from the end of the story. You see, the Range Rover is actually a five-seater executive car that happens to have four-wheel drive." Read Clarkson's full review
8: Rolls-Royce Phantom (Made in Goodwood by a subsidiary of BMW)
"Part of the reason it looks so right is that the designers worked out that the height of a car should always be twice the height of its wheels. And this led to a problem. Because the Rolls is damn nearly as tall as me, the wheels had to be enormous. And that, in turn, meant the Michelin man had to get out of Gordon Ramsay’s new restaurant for 10 minutes and design a tyre that could double up as one of Saturn’s rings." Read Clarkson's full review
7: Morgan Plus 8 (Made in Malvern by a British company. Hooray! They now use BMW and Ford engines, but the Plus 8 had a British-made Rover V8)
"Mathematicians say that time travel will never be possible, or people from the future would be here already, clogging up Ladbrokes and generally making a nuisance of themselves on the stock exchange. However, the argument is wrong. As daft as it might seem, a small engineering company in Malvern Link, Worcestershire, has quietly invented a time machine. It’s called a Morgan Plus 8 and last week it whisked me back to 1933." Read Clarkson's full review
6: Bentley Continental GTC (As above)
"Kick back and cruise. Select the precise sort of sound you want from the hi-fi, snuggle into the infinitely adjustable seat . . . and relax. It is a very, very nice way of covering miles. Like falling asleep in the bath and waking up somewhere else." Read Clarkson's full review
5: Aston Martin V8 Vantage Roadster (Made - except for the German engine - in Gaydon, Warks. Now owned by an international consortium of investors lead by British company Prodrive)
"My wife’s V8, which was one of the first ever made, has not been bad at all. The boot filled with water on one trip to London, which was odd since it wasn’t raining, the petrol filler cap fell apart once, the handbrake gets stuck on from time to time and the tyre pressure sensors have a mind of their own. Tiny things, in other words, and worrying about any of them in a pretty car like the Vantage is like climbing into bed with a supermodel and noticing she has slightly unruly pubes." Read Clarkson's full review
4: Caterham Seven Roadsport SV (British through and through, except for the engine!)
"Bloody Hell Fire and Holy Mother of Christ: apart from being bigger, it was a whole lot more powerful to boot. At first you’ll wonder where the power has gone. But that’s because you’ll be changing up when the noise and the vibrations become intolerable. But don’t. In fact you change up when blood is spurting out of your ears and your right foot has been shaken clean off your ankle." Read Clarkson's full review
3: Mini Cooper S (Made in Oxford by a subsidiary of BMW)
"Not long ago BMW fitted a pin-prick red bulb on the underside of the rear-view mirror that bathed the interior of the car with the soft red glow of a submarine at Defcon 3. It was without a doubt the greatest single advance in automotive technology since Cadillac introduced the starter motor. But the new Mini goes further because you can choose what colour light you’d like to bathe in. And better still there’s a slider knob that changes the hue on an infinite scale, from red through scarlet and then purple until it ends up vodka bar blue." Read Clarkson's full review
2: Ariel Atom (Made in Somerset by a British company. Powered by a choice of Honda or GM engines)
"I think the best thing about this car, though, is the way it looks. It’s as cool as a Philippe Starck juicer, as tempting as any of the brushed aluminium toys you find in an airport gadget shop. But unlike rechargeable underwater currency converters, I doubt you’d ever be bored with what it can do." Read Clarkson's full review
1: Aston Martin DB9 (As above)
"Once, I was given the controls of a world war two P51 fighter. That thing danced and jinked like no machine I’d ever been in, and all the time there was a glorious roar from the Merlin engine. Well, that’s what the DB9 feels like. Like a fighter. Like everything mankind knows about excitement and machinery and technology has finally come together in an orgasm of absolute, thrilling and total harmony." Read Clarkson's full review
I know Clarkson hates motorbikes, but he has completely ignored Triumph, which is British-owned and knocks out 30,000 bikes a year in Leicestershire...
Derek Bedlow, Bromley, Kent
I am amazed that Lotus Exige or Elise does not appear!!
Shawn, Tokyo, Japan
I had to have my photograph taken recently at a show in Shanghai beside the DB9. All those foreigners came together to make the most beautiful and most British car I have ever seen. And I live beside the main "Rover" dealer in Shanghai which stocks Rover 75s. (They are called "Rong Wei" in Chinese - tee hee). Still very British looking and selling for 20k Sterling each. Now why couldn't Rover have done that?
Warren, Shanghai,
you missed the new jag xf
cookie, canvey island, essex,england
Jaguar? Yes of course - it used to mean grace pace and space. Unfortunately, it now tends to mean Ford Mondeo in slightly nicer looking clothes, with all the nasty plastic Ford cheapness that follows!
OK so there are one or two model exceptions (all of which mere mortals cant afford) and i do have to say that Jaguar still has that emotive singularly British feel to the name that sends patriotic shivers down my spine, but it seems to have lost its way.
Sadly, Ford bought Jaguar with one thing in mind... to plug the luxury saloon gap in their range that got messed up by the god awful Scorpio and unfortunately in the mean time the luxury market has fallen away, meaning that cars in the range look more and more like competing with the dross Ford already make.
To cap it all. Ford are looking like dropping Jag like a stone and it really isnt on!
So will someone out there... please buy Jaguar and restore its dignity!!!
OK rant over :-
Bill, Norwich,
Jezza, you missed the Jaguar XKR...
Paul Saunders, Arbroath, Scotland
...he's probably never been allowed a trip in a Bristol Fighter!
Spoons, Chipstead, Surrey
Does the work 'Jaguar' mean anything to you?
Andrew Brennan, Los Angeles, CA
Answer me this Jerm. Why isn't Britain capable of producing a home-created, designed and built car in batches of more than 100?
Igor Monz, Santa Monica, U.S.A/ California
there are two cars that jeremy has missed-the lotus elise and the noble m400
Jayne Blake, Bristol,
Too bad he did not include Bristol. He could have made much of why there is not a 4 series BMW while lauding a British car that offers legroom to people of his (and my) height while acknowledging that Detroit muscle has value!
Antony, Bury St. Edmunds, Suffolk
What, no Lotus?
Roger French, Houston, Texas
how could jeremy forget the noble m400.its built in leicester apart from the bodyshell and has 425bhp very light weight and great handling .not to mention reasonable value for money
jack BLAKE, Bristol,
Shame on you, Jeremy: I cannot believe you just forgot the Lotus Exige...!
Beyond any reasonable doubt, this car deserves to be mentioned at least among the top 5 of your list.
Provided you refer to the "S"-version in its new "Cup"-specification it ought to be part of the top 3.
Don´t you think so?!
Florian Baum, Ehingen, Germany
I miss one, the Lotus Elise!
Rob Segerink, Hengelo, The Netherlands
As usual Clarkson can bring humour even to something like a cannibal's al fresca dinner party. But wouldn't images of the cars he's talking about, added to the commentaries, increase the experience?
Pictures, pictures, we need pictures of what he is talking about.
Graham Young, Wellington, New Zealand
British cars with foriegn parts in them. That is the global economy of today. I doubt if there is one single manufacturer that does not use foriegn made parts in their vehicles. Even the Japanese use foreign made parts in their assembly lines so what is the big deal?
Kevin, Wellington, NZ
Has dear old jeremy given leave notice to The Times or what? They seem to be squeezing him dry, what with ´´best of´´, worse of´´ and all the series funniest moments...
jorge, zaragoza, spain
So you spent years slagging off and deriding rover until they went bust now you are sticking up for the "british" motor industry too late im afraid
james smith, eastbourne, england
So., not a single one that is British through and through. Not a single one that British-powered and made by a company that is British-owned -- not even the total oddities like the Morgan, the Caterham and the Ariel.
Poor Jeremy. Always railing against foreigners, but incapable of making a living without them.
RAS, Bloomfield Hills, MI, USA
To say that these are not British cars because some of the parts - including the engine - are built by non-British companies is like saying that Intel make personal computers.
Kevin, London,
Jeremy has the ability to mix scorn with praise like an Indian curry.
des stewart, jeddah, sa
So just what British auto industry are you gallantly defending?
Andrew Milner, Karuizawa, Nagano
Were I to win the Lottery, that's subjunctive quite contrary to fact, I would buy one of each. As it is, reviewing expensive British automobiles is rather like lamenting the loss of the Empire, sad but we are not going to get America back we can't afford it and it isn't good for the environment.
Joseph P. O'Brien, Pompano Beach, Florida, USA
i completly agree, DB9 number 1, ok its not going to go round a track as fast as a ferrari, but its alot prettier, and you wont be embarressed to drive around in it.
James Parry, Chester, UK