Jeremy Clarkson
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From
September 30, 2007
Rolls-Royce Phantom Drophead Coupe
It doesn’t have to do anything but arrive
Someone with a cruel mouth and a spiteful demeanour announced the other day that all car advertisements should carry a government health warning. “Driving while pregnant harms your baby.” “Cars lower your sperm count.” That sort of thing.
This would be a pity because apart from Griff Rhys Jones in his underpants and Mazda’s international zoom-zoom efforts, almost all car advertisements are better than almost all the programmes they help to fund.
It was always thus. Back in the early Sixties television commercials were rammed with smiley people cramming as much information as was humanly possible into the 30-second slot. Prices, ingredients, comparisons. The lot.
Then in 1963 along came an advertisement for the VW Beetle. Written by Bill Bernbach at Dingleberry, Dunkirk and Bedhopper, it showed a pair of headlights picking their way through a blizzard and arriving at a big wooden hut. The doors opened and out came a snowplough. “Have you ever wondered,” asked the voiceover, “how the man who drives the snowplough drives to the snowplough.” And we were left with a picture of the little Bug by the big hut.
It changed advertising for ever because here was a commercial that apparently contained no information at all. But which actually told you more about the Beetle than a million Colgate rings of confidence.
We see this now all the time. Honda has that man with the Mr Kipling gravel in his larynx telling us that it’s nice when things just work. We have Audi telling us something in German that we don’t understand and we have Saabs leaving vapour trails through deserted city streets. “It’s based on a jet fighter,” they tell us. Even though the truth of the matter is that it’s actually based on a Vauxhall Vectra. But never mind.
Lamborghini has a brilliant campaign, as you can see from the pictures. Set in the company’s home town, one shows a cautious woman waiting by a crossing and the other locals protecting their hearing from passing supercars.
But the best, by a mile, has never been shown. Not even in the furthest reaches of the internet. It shows a pair of headlights in a blizzard. But they’re not like the candles in jam jars you found on a Beetle. They are funky, halogenesque with a Daz blue white feel to them. Other than this, it’s pretty much the same as the original Beetle ad. The lights forge a path through the blizzard to a big wooden hut, from which a snowplough emerges.
“Have you ever wondered,” asks the voiceover, “how the man who owns the snowplough gets to the snowplough.” And as the plough breaks frame, we’re left with a shot of the Rolls-Royce Phantom.
It’d be a shame, I think, to clutter up this simple parody with a lot of guff about carbon dioxide and baby seals and how many children in Birmingham have small brains.
Whatever, I don’t know why the ad never made it, even as a viral e-mail. Maybe it’s because Rolls-Royce doesn’t need to advertise. Not when you have Alan Sugar whizzing hither and thither in his Phantom every week on The Apprentice. And on the other side, Simon Cowell doing much the same thing on The X Factor.
Or maybe it’s because there is simply no alternative. The Phantom has the pluto-matic market all to itself. And puh-lease do not introduce the Maybach at this point because while it’s a good and noble thing, it is a first cousin of the Wakefield hen night stretched limo. The Phantom is a first cousin only to the God of silence, and manners, and breeding. It is an exquisite car and I would have one tomorrow if it weren’t so bloody expensive. That and the fact my wife has said she would divorce me. And then kill me with a knife.
And now comes the convertible and, oh deary me. When I came home to find it sitting in my drive, all huge and brilliant, I’m afraid I started to dribble.
Like its hard top brother, this also has no rivals. Well, unless you count the Bentley Azure, which is of course excellent. If you like to waft around in something that can trace its roots back to 1959. Which means you’d be wafting around in something that’s older than me.
The Rolls doesn’t look or feel old fashioned at all. Everything, from the unpainted bonnet to the backwards-opening suicide doors to the rattan carpets and, yes, even the teak Sunseeker-style decking on the back, makes it look as fresh and as futuristic as tomorrow morning’s papers.
Maybe its back end is a bit wonky, but other than this the styling, roof up or down, is just the most inspired piece of automotive design since ever.
And then my wife came home. “Jesus H Christ,” she said. “What is that monstrosity doing here?” An argument ensued. She said it was vulgar. I said she was from the Isle of Man so she’d know. Some doors slammed. And I went for a drive.
Oooh it’s big. Sumo-wrestler big. Eighteen feet long and six feet wide big. But you ignore this and assume that because it’s a V12 convertible it must have some sportiness in its complexion. I did. But it doesn’t. In fact it is hard to think of anything in the world that is less sporty. Mount Fuji, perhaps. But that’s about it.
Part of the problem is that you sit so high. You really can go eye to eye with people in Range Rovers. And that gives you the impression that actually you’re behind the wheel of a drophead truck.
Add to this steering, suspension and a gearbox, all of which feel decidedly American and you very quickly learn to back off and waft. I must say I came home that night a bit disappointed.
The next day we took it to a party in Marlow, me in the driver’s seat and my wife curled up in the passenger footwell in case she was seen. But it didn’t matter, because we weren’t speaking anyway.
This is mainly because we had comprehensively failed to find a way of opening the boot, so she’d put her bags on the back seat and her favourite scarf had blown away. And also, the satellite navigation system – one of the few bits on the car obviously to have been lifted from a BMW – steadfastly refused to acknowledge Marlow existed.
If I’m honest, I was finding it difficult to defend the Drophead. It wouldn’t fit on even the widest high street. It does fewer than 10 miles to the gallon. It has the get up and go of a potato, and a boot, when you do finally get the lid up, that is smaller than the fridge in a caravan. Oh, and it costs £307,000, which means it’s £80,000 more than the Bentley.
I must also say I disliked the wooden dashboard, which appeared to be a bit half hearted. There was a sense that it had been put there because of tradition, rather than because it looked good. It certainly didn’t match the backlit blue dials.
And I have to say that while the seven-layer roof is good when up, the buffeting when travelling with it down is intolerable at anything more than 80. But then we arrived at our party in Marlow and everyone went berserk. I’ve never seen a car cause such a stir, and suddenly the point of the Roller became crystal clear.
It is not built for speed or grip. It is not built to excite with its handling or the roar from its exhaust. It is not built to be safe, or frugal, or cheap. It is not built to do any of the things we have come to expect of cars in recent years. It is not built to go places. It is built to arrive.
This car, then, is not a car at all. It is a fanfare. A blast of trumpeteering to silence the crowds when someone special is about to enter the room. The reason why there’s no advertising for this car is simple. It’s built to advertise you.
Sure, I will admit that in England it is a bit ostentatious, a sunflower in a field of weeds. Arriving anywhere here in such a thing is the same as arriving with a Rolex at an NUM reunion. But arriving in a Drophead at the Oscars or at the casino in Monte Carlo would be more impressive, I suspect, than arriving in Keira Knightley.
And because of this I shall ignore the pleas of my wife. And give it five stars.
Vital statistics
Model Phantom Drophead Coupé
Engine 6749cc, 12 cylinders
Power 453bhp @ 5350rpm
Torque 531 lb ft @ 3500rpm
Transmission Six-speed automatic
Fuel 18mpg (combined cycle)
CO2 377g/km
Acceleration 0-60mph: 5.6sec
Top speed 149mph
Price £307,500
Rating 
Verdict Hey, big spender
I have seen a number of these cars; in photos, in the showroom, on the road, parked, etc. and while they exhibit an unearthy polish, the front end appears unfinished...I wonder why?
rd, San Miguel de Allende, Mexico
Dont be that stupid.Rolls Royce is an awesome car. It is so luxurious and you can see it in a distance of an other country but it is not kitch at all, something rather difficult. It is not like that shiny useless maybach that tom cruse or a rent company for the weddings will buy.Clarkson is so right
Dardalas John, Salonika, Greece
I drive a Spur and looking for a Turbo R for more spirited driving. Also need, not want a Corniche; thinking an 1987.5 or newer. Real clocks and temp gauges, I can't stand digital! I could afford one of these BMW's with Rolls emblems, but I'll never buy them new. Finally understand the W.O. Bentley crowd in the RROC, after 1931, and at least they remained British! The new DHC version and the next 09 "baby" Rolls Royce, both with sport buttons. Should be named Silver Faux's. I'm only 36 so have a few years to scoop up pmc's built buy Craftsmen at Crewe. I never liked BMW's or I would have bought one at some point, they are ugly and not built much better than a Volkswagen.
S.Brown, las vegas, USA
Trust The French .
It is a Fantastic vehicle & certainly looks better than a Peugot
Don, Timaru, New Zealand
It is probably the RR brand that make us wanted to see and explore -- will i buy if i have the money? might not buy coz it is not worth the price unless i buy it just for a show of force.
Anyway i like the color.
dennis, sydney, aussie
This car is certainly not a brick! More like a breeze block! Cant really say its elegant or sexy or that impressive really. Really does lack imagination. It looks like something Andrew Lloyd-Webber would drive. This car is aimed at the very fat rich cat with golfing trousers on.
David, London, UK
Looks like a badly molded Chinese toy.
Dan D'Lyon, Paris, France
Can't help noticing you're into Keira Knightley, metaphysically speaking. Suspect you'll have to take a number.
But Roller, come on. Hope I die before I get that old.
Andrew Milner, Karuizawa, Nagano
It really is gorgeous. I do agree it seems rather American though (I much prefer it with a roof on). You can be sure 50 Cent will have one soon. Makes me wish the Ocean Drive would be released by Mercedes. Now THAT would be a comparison...
Tanvir H, Lincoln, Lincolnshire
Here in Newport Beach, California, arguably the capitol of $$$ convertibles, you see quite a few of them. I'm not a fan, I just don't see how one can find the F430 beautiful and find this thing good looking. That's like comparing Kiera Knightly with Rosie O'Donnel. Sure they're both rich and well known, but I know whom I'd rather arrive with.
Gus, Los Angeles, USA / CA
It would suit Elton John in Vegas!
David, London, UK
The 'get up and go of a potato?!'. At 5.6sec to 60 no wonder potatoes are widely used in the fast food industry!
Jim Swanepoel, Northwood, Middlesex
Folks,
I am a Project Manager working on RR components for the interiour. So, you think I am biased - no way, however when I can afford an Roller Phantom customised as an estate with a towbar, I will go for it.
Even if my wife kills me slowly with a blunt knife !!
Wolf Bernard, Upton, UK
RR should have stopped making cars after the Silver Ghost, the only RR which really was 'the best car in the world'. After that, Mercedes took over. The best car in the world, i.e. the best designed and put-together and therefore the most reliable, is nowadays the Toyota.
Hein Maassen, Leidschendam, The Netherlands
it looks hidious and ridiculous,..
a wallowing old hector barge complete with wood decking, minus of course the anchor and 3 of its masts and rigging missing
typical drab and dreary German design,..a subtle sabotage of a proud British name.
Teutonic Ugliness by Stealth
AJ, london,
So what are you saying Jez - about as pointless, and expensive, as a Faberge egg?
Ken Leyland, Liverpool, U.K.
I for one rather like it... the car, the article, the humour, the wit, and the comments it has attracted. I get the distinct impression that the people who write the negative comments about how much fuel it uses etc are all drivers of Ford Diesels, or perhaps for the very daring amongst you - Peugeot's. I freely accept that not everyone is interested in motors - and for many it's just a form of transport - fair enough. But whilst Peter in Halifax makes the observation that we would like to read reviews on more 'run of the mill' motors, I have to ask, why?
I do not drive a super-flashy motor - it's a BMW costing no more than £35k, but I find it interesting to read of such phenomenal motors which are being produced by the most elite of manufacturers. Will I ever own one? Probably not. But for an enthusiast, vehicles like this are not to be ignored, and definitely something to read up on.
Keep up the good work Jeremy - what will you tease us with next?!
Chris, Lancashire, Lancashire
' you would have one yourself if it weren't so bloody expensive'
Come on Mr. clarkson you are a hypocrite. Don't insult your reader's intelligence by pretending that you are just a ordinary journalist on average income. It is unlike your personas not to admit you are one of the most highest paid journalists in this country let alone your earnings from TV work and lucrative book deals. Nothing succeeds like success, Mr. Clarkson just enjoys your fame and fortune but please don't patronise us by pretending that you find a Roller unaffordable!
Wing, Poole, UK
Another pointless oversized, overweight gas-guzzler. Totally irrelevant for UK driving conditions, and vulgar to boot. Leave it to the footballers, their wives and lottery winners...
Ben Garside, Loughborough, Leics
Is it just my imagination or are RRs really starting to look like Gerry Anderson designed them for Thunderbirds. Just paint it pink and see if it doesn't look identical to Lady Penelope's!
Roger, Luton, UK
I like it !
john195, Fremantle, Australia, W.A.
I'm not sure this car screams 'money' louder than it screams 'Incredible waste of'.
You would have to be a Royal Dunce to buy one.
Ricky, Cape Town, South Africa
Most of us, are anxious for honest evaluation on our normal type of transport - not the downright unusable vehicles now being reviewed.
There is never going to be an opportunity to drive at 100+ mph ever again in this land.
Why make, and shout about machines which are ever faster?
I have been there and done all of these things, and reached the conclusion that there are far better uses for my money than a freak car, at a freakish price, perhaps just to prove ones wealth and forever deny common sense?
Peter
Peter Avinou, Halifax, West Yorkshire
I can't help thinking that this thing looks like it has two different designs of headlights and neither compliments the other. One small and wide and the other round and chrome.Could the design team not make their minds, hence used both? There is something very wrong about the front. The words "designed by a committee" spring to mind.
Mike, Dover, Kent
Forget the Phantom, forget the Maybach -what you want is a Honda. Seating seven at 450mph, the HondaJet is the only way to get around. Costing twice as much as a Veyron, the order book is already rivalling Maybach's for numbers. Who wants rear seats inspired by first class cabins when you can get the whole plane to yourself? No reports of an open version, though.
Robert, Tokyo,
Looks like a brick.
Dan, stockport, cheshire
Sorry, Keira Knightley definitely is - incredible. I'd rather have the Bentley than the Rolls but neither, in fact, would be top of my list of cars that I'll never be able to afford! Julian - somewhere in Gloucestershire!
Julian Hatt, Stonehouse, Gloucestershire
If I was Mrs C, I wouldn't be so ungrateful. Riding in a Phantom? With Dr Dr Clarkson? It's the stuff dreams are made of.
That along with arriving in Keira Knightly of course... fabulous taste!
JezzaBelle, Somerset,
Given a choice, I'd take Keira Knightley in a heartbeat:) Not that there's much chance in life of my having either one. . .
Michael, Pueblo, Colorado, US
I should much prefer a 'thirty-nine Lagonda Rapide, or a 'thirty-four Hispano-Suiza Type 68 drophead. Each is a magnificent work ot art - beautifully designed and built to be indestructable. Neither the earlier Rolls nor the new one can compare.
Carl-Edward Endicott, Los Angeles, CA, U.S.A.
Turn up at the Oscars or the Monte Carlo Casino, how about a McDonalds drive thru, now that would be fun??
Gary Young, Ft Myers, Florida
Gary, Ft Myers, Florida
i walk past a rolls-royce garage on the way to and from work and i pause, every single time. these cars are incredible.
keira knightley isn't.
graeme graham, birmingham, uk
At last! I now have a valid excuse for not having managed to become a preposterously wealthy plutocrat and being forced to buy myself one of these excrescences.
Mrs Clarkson, I am totally on your side, it's a monumentally hideous beast. Your husband's summation of its role in the UK market, however, is equally spot on.
Mike, Corsham, Wiltshire
Sorry, too big and too square. I parked next to one in a pub car park outside Lancaster a couple of weeks ago. I was in Merc S500 Coupe ( the only coupe I know that's bigger than a small bungalow -and equally difficult to park ) and it made my Merc look like something by Dinky. How the hell would you get one into a multi-storey car park? Just buy a helicopter instead - cheaper and easier to park. The wooden shelf at the back end is rather wonderful though.
Michael Banks, Cockerham, Lancashire
I look forward to being run over by one[1] the next time I visit Hong Kong.
1) Probbaly while on a pedestrian crossing.
SteveK, Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia
The looks are rather ordinary in the German style of luxury cars. I attended an all British car show today and honestly the 1959 Jaguar sedan looks much better than this Rolls.
Michael, austin, usa
The Phantom Drophead is simply gorgeous. Especially its front headlamps. Gosh, the LEDs are superb. Could we just stick them to the sister Phantom limo, then?
tikiyong, KL, Malaysia
If you wanted to make an entrance and draw a crowd, you could have arrived on the back of a Hippopotamus. It would look better and be less expensive.
...and the horse you rode in on.
Tommy Jerk, Marlow, UK
After spending some time in Miami Beach (SoBe) on vacation I became quite sick of the Roller and its quasi-competitor the Continental. They were everywhere, never too exciting after day four or five rolled by. The occasional Continental GTC was exciting I suppose, but the Roller? Not so much.
On the subject of the Drophead, they should have changed the name to "Jaw-Drop" simply because this car is so beautiful. I mean, it isn't the best-looking big coupe on the road, but it is certainly one that catches people's attention due to its stance and overall sense of grandeur. Sure, a Ferrari has it's bark, and the Lamborghini is just outrageous, but this Roller? It just screams "MONEY" and people come in droves.
I'll take mine in the two-tone silver on blue, preferably with a cream leather interior.
Brad Y, Grand Rapids, Michigan, USA
"Arriving anywhere here in such a thing is the same as arriving with a Rolex at an NUM reunion. But arriving in a Drophead at the Oscars or at the casino in Monte Carlo would be more impressive, I suspect, than arriving in Keira Knightley"
"arriving in Keira Knightley" ... Quality Clarkson.
yes, uk, uk
Henry Gurwood's first reaction was correct; there are number of them driving around Los Angeles and despite the high price tag and mechanical marvels, it is surely the most ugly vehicle that has ever carried the RR trademark. The redesigned grille, set at a modest angle, is of no aesthetic assistance and indeed, the whole thing looks elephantine - indeed, "what a beast."
David Cunard, Los Angeles, USA
I'd have it if I had the dough.
I used to feel exactly the way Clarkson does about Rollers, and when I saw the pics of this one, I thought it was hideous.
But when I saw one on the street, I changed my mind. It has incredible presence. It looks fantastic. What a beast.
Henry Gurwood, London,