Pick up classic Hitchcock thrillers all this week, only in The Times
Ocean Drive in South Beach was home to the late Gianni Versace and boasts a rank of art deco hotels. Over-preserved women accompany men with too-deep tans as Ferraris and Mercs — almost invariably convertible — crawl self-consciously past the street’s al fresco restaurants. Three-storey private yachts wallow uncomfortably in a choppy sea.
Point taken — look in any direction here and you’ll see the trappings of colossal wealth. An appropriate setting, then, for this BMW, which costs £78,450, nearly £19,000 more than you’d pay for the smaller engined 745Li. The short wheelbase 760i goes for £76,350.
For the money you gain a 445bhp 6 litre V12 engine and a long list of extras such as self-levelling suspension, new 18in wheels, Alcantara roof lining and sunblinds for the rear windows. So you can discreetly watch people watching you, which appears to be the whole point of Ocean Drive.
And they do watch — the 7-series is the most controversially styled BMW saloon ever produced, from its slightly sinister nose with hooded headlights to its oddly tall bootlid, which looks like an afterthought.
But the one thing that the 7-series has that its rivals at Audi and Mercedes-Benz lack is huge presence on the road, especially in long-wheelbase guise. In profile it looks like a particularly well fed shark, complete with a menacing little fin on the roof (for the satellite navigation and telephone).
The V12 model gets its own special visual cues, too. That traditional BMW kidney grille is wider and has chrome slats and there are long fillets of chrome running the entire length of the roof. There are also discreet little V12 badges on the front wings. A particularly kitsch detail is the illuminated V12 emblem on the door sills. Very American.
To be fair to BMW, this new V12 is an engine worth bragging about. For starters it’s the first V12 to use direct petrol injection. Engineers have been able to extract more torque and power without making it bigger or tacking on turbochargers. This technology also delivers better fuel economy, although a 6 litre V12 is never going to be a petrol miser — combined fuel consumption is a claimed 20.7mpg.
This is also one of the most refined engines money can buy. At idle you really will need to look at the tachometer to confirm that it is running. There isn’t the slightest hint of vibration or noise.
On the go the 760Li is equally smooth and unfussed, the six-speed gearbox delivering upshifts that are barely perceptible. Floor the throttle, though, and that mild whisper hardens into a sharp-edged hum. That funky engine note has been acoustically engineered to remind people that BMW is supposed to be a sporting brand, despite the cupholders and Alcantara roof trim.
While 0 to 62mph takes a sports-car-rivalling 5.6sec, top gear is relaxed enough to deliver 100mph at just 2500rpm. So you can have funereal or frenetic pace, depending on the angle of your right foot.
The one thing that the Miami area cannot supply, environment-wise, is a place to confirm the sporting side of the 760Li formula. So BMW took me to the Miami Speedway, a race track with a combination of tight, twisting corners and open, high-speed banking. In short, a very good place to see what the big 7-series can do in more extreme conditions.
The notion of pitching a long-wheelbase limousine sideways into a corner with its tyres howling is, of course, absurd. But with the DSC (Dynamic Stability Control) switched off, that’s exactly what you can do. Right up to and beyond its handling limit, the car remains remarkably stable and easy to drive, especially with the electronically adjustable dampers set to sport. It’s fun, too, which is quite an achievement for 2.2 tons of limo.
But the truth is that the 760Li is going to spend the vast majority of its life with the suspension set in comfort mode. In that setting, the ride is superbly quiet with small ridges and road patches not even registering. It is, though, a little nervous over larger bumps and dips, especially at low speed. Not enough to put a head on your flute of champagne, mind, but it’s not up to Mercedes S-class standards.
Inside, the 760Li offers stupendous build quality and first-rate materials. The driving position is spot on and the seats even offer built-in air-conditioning, which feels a bit like having Vicks VapoRub applied to your backside.
Then there is BMW’s controversial iDrive, which provides control over audio, navigation, climate control and suspension settings through the use of a joystick on the centre console. And more function menus than a King’s Road eatery on a Friday night. In the long wheelbase 760Li, the rear seat passengers get their own iDrive control for the radio, television, video and DVD player.
It all makes one feel like somebody who just might actually belong on Ocean Drive, South Beach, Miami. Without, of course, the tan or the women.
Vital statistics
Model BMW 760Li
Engine type V12, 5972cc
Power/torque 445bhp@6000rpm/442lb ft@3950rpm
Transmission Six-speed Steptronic automatic
Suspension (front) double-joint thrust-rod spring strut axle; (rear) integral multi-arm axle, pneumatic suspension with self-levelling
Tyres 245/50 R18
Fuel/CO2 20.7mpg (combined)/330 g/km
Co car tax £10,500 for a higher-rate tax payer
Top speed 155mph
Acceleration 0 to 62mph: 5.6sec
Price £78,450
Verdict The smoothness and refinement of the new V12 are about as good as it gets. Goes quite quickly, too
Rating