heard an analogy ages ago where dating and marriage is like walking through 2 forests and picking the 'best' tree.
When we're dating, we tend to wait for the 'better'
tree and end up leaving empty handed.
Learning the lesson from dating, we just pick the first 'okay-looking' tree we come across.

kat, Melbourne,

What makes an intelligent man commit?

A non retarded woman. Very difficult to imagine one.

Kazuki, Tokyo, Japan

Scott - Get a life!!!!!!

Jessica, London, UK

To be honest, its also tough for the girl too. I look at guys and think many of them are frankly not my type- unfortunately my standards are very high, and I do want to marry a guy with good qualities but also hot-looking. I am in my early twenties, but wonder if this kind of guy will be there?

Nikki, London,

Kumar, London, you're spot on. With my ex-fiancée i very much wanted to have children, when we broke up 1 year ago i lost my confidence and now don't want children.

Marco, Kraków, Poland

I've long felt that with many men it is a matter of timing more than anything else. I have a friend who deeply regrets having waited now that his wife can't get pregnant--something he assumed she would be able to do. He is not the only man I know who got married WHEN it was right over WHO is right.

Srah, Chicago IL, USA

and so Andy from Chalfont, where does that leave the poor children of that faked relationship? Even more sad I'd imagine

Caroline, Amersham, UK

"I guess I should be flattered that people feel they can come right out and ask me why I’ve never been married."

And you could ask them if they're applying for the position.

T. J. Cassidy, Arlington, Virginia, U.S.A.

I'm a 27 year old woman, and I must say that what you say about men applies strongly to many women, too. Men just don't see it. Also, studies repeatedly show that, contrary to widespread belief, men are actually MORE likely to view marriage positively than women are, particularly in the younger set.

Andrea, San Francisco, US

.
For the lucky it is love, for the venal it is a transaction.
.

avraam jack, Cesspit AKA DC Metro , usa

In my view men who think they are achievers marry to reproduce, what they think, even brighter kids. Men who have low esteem of themselves do not want to marry to avoid having kids. The same is true of women.

kumar, London, uk

Marriage just isn't in the best interest of men. If I marry then the woman can potentially take 1/2 of my hard earned savings, my house, and my children - I've seen it happen too many times. Marital law is too much in favour of women and until that changes I'll stick to dating. It's safer that way!

Scott, London, England

Of course we are also talking of re-marriage. And until the laws changes and fathers/ex husbands are treated fairly the world will be awash with 'unsettled' males. After a certain age both men and women expect too much, and expect to give too little. Friendship plays a very big part in 2nd marriages

Charlie, Nottm, Notts

to quote oscar wilde: "men marry because they are tired. women because they are curious. both are disappointed"

zooey, london, uk

I'm 49 years old Tad, attractive and educated (law degree), no children. You can and will have that "star of Bethlehem moment!" I thought I never would and wasn't even sure it ever happened for some people.

Loved the taxi analogy--but it's true for women too.

Gayla Austin , Laramie , USA

Men only "can't commit" to marriage the FIRST time. After that, they remarry more than twice as quickly as women -- 3 years for men on average, but 8 years for women. Men realise that marriage serves their needs v well, and women twig that it's a rubbish idea!

Kate Taylor, Lesser London, UK

Men marry out of weakness and not love , always ....you girls can fake an orgasm but we can fake a whole relationship ...sad but true ...

andy, chalfont, england

Don't worry Tad, a friend of mine got married in his early 20s but never loved his wife. He fell in love for the first time in his 50s. Unfortunately he hadn't divorced his wife and regrets marrying her and having a family / commitments but as you're single you don't have that problem!

Keith, Henley, UK

Many men don't commit today simply because they don't have to. If you're a woman who wants to marry, don't hang in there waiting. When enough time has passed, ask for the commitment. If he says "no," move on to find one who is ready. I found love after 40 and you can too. MANifestingMrRight.com

Ronnie Ann Ryan, Milford, USA

Tad can have it all. It's demographics. Fewer good men want to marry than good women. This explains the surfeit of single mums, falling divorce rate and drastically later first births. Despite this, British women, with their checklist mentality, act as if they are in a buyers' market.

Riccardo, Birmingham,

What makes a man commit? Temporary insanity.

SGA, Tampa, USA

Female friends/family seem incapable of understanding why I'm not married. My response? If the law & its implementation were as biased towards men as they are towards women, and if the political winds were not blowing such as to make the current injustice even worse, I would be as keen as they are.

Mark, Bath, UK

Men only settle down once they've admitted to themselves that the person they're with is as good as they'll ever get, and that there is no supermodel waiting around the corner for them.

Andrew, London,

So true, and no, it's not new, most women have known it for ever. A woman is ready to marry when she finds the right man. A man is ready when he's ready and whoever he is dating at the time will be proposed to.

inga, stockholm,

Referring to your pass the parcel analogy: I seem to remember there was always somebody's mother in control of the record player...

Pete, London,

David'London
Totally agree with you! why put My home, My happiness, My money & Sanity by marrying some immature & most likely selfish unfaithful Fella! Much rather date and enjoy mylife with the kids as a independant woman...SURPISINGLY us women can survive without you.

meme, Leeds, UK

You write as if there were some kind of obligation to marry. Why can't you allow that you're probably just not the marrying kind?

Artemisia, Paris, France

Somerset Maugham's dictum was that men marry whoever is most available when they are most vulnerable. Support for the "timing" theory.

Carson, Leatherhead,

If Safran can get all the benefits of marriage - sex, a live-in-lover and constant companionship without actually marrying, of course he's never going to commit.
There is a 'Star or Bethlehem' moment for some. I proposed to my wife three weeks after meeting her, and we've been married 25 years.

John Austin, London, England

For men its usually around 30ish. If your dating a great bloke at Uni then you can forget it, He wont be interested for another 8 years at best. Ofcourse when hes 40 he will look back and dream that you were the one. The key girls is find the right bloke at 27 and then hang on. Miss this at yr peril

mike, Reading, UK

Men are voting on the justice of divorce court by not allowing themselves to get married. Everybody in the divorce system, in my experience, wants to be a hero and save the poor woman with blatant disregard for objective facts.

Carl, London, UK

Like everything in life, it is a bit of many factors. Timing and the right person at the right time have to do with it. It just cant be so black and white.

carlos, la jolla, usa

It hardly means commitment as divorces are easy, you can love without marriage, you can have kids without marriage. If you do marry you get a 3-6hour party, government nosing in your business, give up half your financial assets. If everyone jumped off a bridge, would it make any more sense to doit?

Michael, New Orleans, USA

Men who WANT to get married had happy home childhoods and instinctively want to recreate that happy home with themselves as the proud husband/father. If they loved their mother they will instinctively seek someone resembling her. The others just want uncomplicated sex and go along with society.

Alonso_Quijano, Los Angeles, USA

Is there some law that i'm not aware of that states that you HAVE to marry? I know MANY guys in there 30's and 40's who wish like hell they never married there "dream girl"..because now their divorced and paying child support and/or alimony! Whats wrong with being single..it sure seems safer! LOL!

Shane, Raleigh,NC, USA

I am 44, never married, and like Tad Safran, I can look back and know there were several woman who would have made excellent wives and mothers. I agree with his theory, when I am ready, I will take the next suitable woman that comes along.

AB, Jakarta,

Personally, I think he is a half hearted amateur. I have joined 8 web sites and spend over £100/m and have met 58 women in the year I have been searching since losing my wife to cancer. I now have the pleasant/difficult job of deciding who is best from my short list of 12 lovely shapely clever women

James Bradley, Southampton,

Women should marry by age 17. For men, every age is good.

Old Atlantic, Atlantic City, USA

I think either the guy's in complete denial about some block he has regarding women: childhood experience / emotional experience /t eenage trauma, who knows?-And he's put a calm lid on it. Or/And perhaps he can't envisage the features of the relationship he would like to create with a partner.Loser!

ekta, london,

it makes sense for a man to get married when he has 2 houses, 2 cars and 2 incomes.

Thus he wont end up living on the street when the relationship ends and he gets stripped of 1 of each of the above.

frank, swindon, uk

I don't know if I can wreck the taxi driver theory but the pass the parcel analogy has never worked with me. At home and school parties I always turned the music off for the child who waited patiently for the hold fast to it child to face reality!

Diana, Derby, uk

A lot of commentators here forget a crucial element "time".Or more crudely "your age".As an older man you are acutely aware that sooner rather later applies.This narrows your choice.All you can do really is jump and pray.

Anthony, London, England

A wise old man once said,"LOVE COMES AFTER MARRIAGE".
Think about it,you don't know someone till you have lived with them under all circumstances good and bad,that life throws your way.
Therefore how can you have loved someone you didn't know fully?

Anthony, London, England

What right do we have to sit and judge other people decisions to marry, doubting the strength of their love or stating that they're simply settling?
If somebody chooses to marry or remain single or cohabit or whatever, then let them be.

Mark , London,

Strange that friendship didn't come into Tad Safran's assessment.
You'd be mad to marry someone who wasn't your friend as well as your lover.

Jo, Newton Abbot, England

My analogy, choosing cabbages is similar but probably closer.
You check the ones on top of the box for as long as you dare, then dig deeper and take the next one that's better than previously found.
Came across a Maths theory that says this almost guarantees one of the best three.

Paul, Redruth, UK

Unfortunately, the 'star-of-Bethlehem' moment can turn out to be nothing more - a moment - and if you act on it, having become infatuated, you can live to regret creating the fantasy of your 'perfect mate'. More reliable is meeting someone you really like and falling in love slowly.

Sarah Hague, Montpellier, France

I saw this recently in a dear friend.

He didn't find 'the one', he settled on 'the next one'.

I find the whole situation depressing. A strong man would wait for 'the one' and be comfortable and confident in himself in the meantime.

Anna, Brisbane, Australia

And I suppose the crippling impact of divorce has no impact on men's enthusiasm to marry?

You can have all the benefits of marriage just by having a girlfriend. Why put your home, your happiness, your financial security and your sanity on the line by risking divorce?

David , London, UK

New??? As mentioned several years back in an episode of "Sex and the City" I'll think you'll find!!!!

Ben, Shanghai,